I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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