I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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