I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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