I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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