I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
