know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
