I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
