Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
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I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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