I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
as a side note pls kill me
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
