we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
