My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
