i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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