How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
