This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
