So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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