i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
