My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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