this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
