My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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