I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
