Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
