Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
My ATM looks so different sober.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
