how do flat chested girls get laid?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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