I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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