do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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