i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
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