Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
