Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
