I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
