I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
