In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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