Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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