You smell like a Billy Joel song
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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