Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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