i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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