Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
