I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
She announced her abortion via fbk
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
