I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
We have started to decorate penises.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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