i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize