I got chris browned last night
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Randomize
