we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
