Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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