I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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