So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
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Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.