i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....