If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Houston, we have a squirter
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.