not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
