so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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