i already hear my dad disowning me
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize