I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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