if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
