I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
