i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
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I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
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The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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