Soap is not a condiment
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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