her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
