I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Randomize