They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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