Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
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you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
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is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.