hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
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Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
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Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.