One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.